Many people forget that it is often difficult to be able to carry out effective ways of dealing with stress if you are unfortunate enough to be the one suffering with stress. All the self help books and advice will offer ways of helping to solve the problem but few will recognise that it is very tough to get motivated to do something when you are struggling to keep control of your situation.

Naturally we all know that taking a step backwards and viewing your situation from a different angle will often allow us to identify the problem sources. However, actually being able to do this is out of the question when you are convinced that everything will collapse in on you if you just take your eye off the 'ball' for even a second. This is a classic characteristic of someone who resides in the stressed category.

The problem is how do you get someone to actually stop and take the time to study their situation. Unfortunately the most appropriate way will really depend on the true circumstances. But there are some sensible strategies that can be adopted.

As a manager in the workplace you can ask for an informal review. The objective being to go through the details and to try and map out the problems.

As a partner, parent or friend you can make the time to talk and try to get to understand the problems. Providing a sounding board will often help them to off-load the problems.

In all cases the objective is to start to discuss the problem. This will enable you to understand in detail what the problems are. Try to map out what is causing the stress, what are the events that lead to the stressful situation and what things are being done at the moment to reduce the stress.

Once you have identified the real cause of the problem i.e the thing that is causing the stress. Try to break it down some more. Discuss all the events that lead up to the situation in as much detail as is possible with as much real data as possible.

Again the exact steps you take to understand the problem will depend very much on the situation. However, it is often possible to begin to see a solution by doing this type of analysis.

For example, I once had a member of staff who would periodically start to work excessive hours but would not achieve the reasonable goals and objectives that had been set. The quality of work would drop and he would become difficult to talk to and generally uncooperative. This would eventually result in him being off work for a few days or a week or even longer. He would then return to work full of the 'joys of spring' and back to his normal self.

After a few of cycles we eventually sat down and went through the issues together and whilst the time off work was obviously making him better it was clear that there was something else that needed attention. The root cause of his problems was actually a complete inability to prioritise work. He would react to each request for information or work as it came in. The latest request would always get his full attention straight away at the expense of everything else.

This worked fine when the individual tasks or requests were small - he would catch up by working overtime. But as soon as a large task came he would start to struggle and if several came in he would eventually be unable to cope.

He had never really considered any other way of working and took a fair amount of convincing that he could dictate the time-scales for task to be completed based on what else he had to do. It transpired that most of the requests for information were non urgent and could be completed in a few days without any problems. Other jobs were more important but all he had to do was make us aware of the conflict and his line manager could then decide where the priority should be placed.

This simple solution stopped any future recurrence of the stress and resulted in a much happier/healthier employee.

The main thing here is the task of actually understanding the problems before offering effective ways of dealing with stress.